9) Staying Drug Free
Drugs and alcohol abuse are major problems in modern culture. We only have to watch the news or read the paper to know the impact of alcohol and drugs on our society. As parents, this is probably the issue that fills us with most fear and concern. There are parties where we have no idea what is going on or what is being given out. How can we ensure our children remain drug free? How can we create a framework that gives our children the best opportunity to stand against the tide and say ‘no’ to drugs?
Let’s first make ourselves aware of some of the reasons why young people take drugs:
• To rebel or shock people
• So that they feel like they belong to a group of friends
• Because they want to take risks
• Because it’s fun
• Because it’s the thing to do
• It’s part of a night out – maybe at a party
• Because it feels and looks grown-up
• It’s an escape from the pressures of living in modern society
• Because they’re bored
• Because drugs are so easy to get hold of
• Because they work
This is a fundamental reason why young people take drugs. Drugs work, they give you a buzz, and they do make you feel good. If they didn’t work, people wouldn’t take drugs. Thousands of people die every year because they smoke tobacco. If smoking did not work would people take the risk? Of course not – they take the risk because they find smoking works, and they don’t think that any of the major health risks will happen to them.
• Because they can take pain away
Paul is 14 and every day that he goes to school there are the words that hurt; the shove in the corridor; the notes in his locker. Paul is a victim of bullying and he is in pain. Sarah is fifteen and her GCSEs are six months away. She is slowly suffocating at the pressure of expectation and she is in pain. Mary hates going home because either her parents are continually arguing, or a heavy silence fills the place. She loves her mother and she loves her father but at the moment she feels like she is being pulled in two directions and she is in pain. At some point for any of these teenagers, somebody may come along and whisper, ‘For £20 I can take your pain away – just try one of these’. And they take the pill and for a while the pain goes away. The drug has worked.
Of course, we all know that there is another side to the story. No alcoholic ever had one drink and said ‘I’m going to become an alcoholic.’ No junkie who ever started on cannabis said, ‘I’m going to become a junkie’. Rather, they tried one substance and when the ‘buzz’ faded they tried a bit more and when that ‘buzz’ faded they moved on to another substance. And before they knew it they were addicted.
How can you keep your children drug free? How can you prepare your children to say ‘no’ to drugs and ‘yes’ to a drug-free lifestyle? It begins with recognising three truths:
Truth 1
My son or daughter needs to know that I love them unconditionally, with no strings attached?
Truth 2
Consistent behaviour is necessary to support and reinforce whatever we say to our teenagers. If I come home every day and have a few whiskies to unwind I won’t stand much chance when I tell my children not to take drugs.
Truth 3
To be able to help my children I need to be informed about the types and effects of drugs that are around. Leaflets are available from doctor’s surgeries, or the library, or a useful website is www.talktofrank.com
Seven steps that can help your child stay drug free
Step 1
Recognise that no area of the UK is untouched by drugs and the pupils in your teenager’s school can get anything they want. If you fail to accept this, it will be very hard to tackle the problem. The reality is that drugs are widely and easily available.
Step 2
Have a cup of coffee with your son or daughter and talk with them about the issues. Talk with them not to them. Here are some comments that young people have made after attending Going Public presentations on drugs which may help you when talking to your child. Take note of what they say as it tells you what they need:
• Very honest and open
• The speaker treated us as adults and was not patronising
• I wish you would say more about peer pressure and how to fight it
• He gave us the facts but let us make the choice – it was good
What these teenagers are saying is that they want openness, honesty and all the facts so that is where you must start. Don’t say ‘Listen, I know you think we’re old and out of touch but we know that drugs are bad and don’t work. We love you so please don’t do it.’ What your child thinks is, ‘You are right, you are old and out of touch because I know drugs are fun.’ Rather, you begin, ‘I understand that it’s hard with all your mates. And I know they seem to have a good time, but tell me what you know about drugs, tell me what you’ve learned.’ In this way your discussion has started and the lines of communication are open.
Step 3
As you talk with your child tell them how you set your standards for drinking and what you think is an acceptable level for you. Share with them how you came to that conclusion.
Step 4
Do you have a drink at home? Explain to them why. What is your policy on them drinking alcohol with you? Again, explain why.
Step 5
As you talk through the issues with your teenager, gently share with them your views on the topic. Share your concerns about excessive alcohol and drug abuse. Try not to get into lecturing mode!
Step 6
Tell them the good news. While everybody talks about the number of young people who take drugs remind them that over 70% say ‘no’ to drugs. Talk to them about how they can learn to say ‘no’. Share with them how they can cope with their friends who may be pressurising them to take drugs. As we know, one of their fears will be that if they say ‘no’ to their friends they will be excluded from the group. Explain that saying ‘no’ means they are in the majority, and that they will still be part of the ‘in’ crowd. It may also be a good time for them to learn that true friends stick with you, and don’t desert you when the going gets tough.
Step 7
Keep your home open to their friends. Let them know they are always welcome, no matter what they look like! If you exclude their friends you are placing barriers between you and your teenagers. To exclude their friends communicates only one thing to your children: you don’t love them. To have an open door to your children’s friends also means you have some idea of what is going on. But remember, only some idea!
It is a big issue, but you can make a difference!
Top Tips
• Pick up a Health Education leaflet on drug, alcohol and substance abuse from your local surgery or library or visit www.talktofrank.com
• Take some time this week to sit and listen to your child’s view on drugs
• If you haven’t met your children’s friends let them know they are very welcome in your home
• Don’t try and scare your children with shock tactics - it doesn’t work
• Check with your children’s school on their drug policy. Find out what they are teaching your children
• If your local school puts on a drug information evening for parents – go to it – find out all you can
